PATCH Magazine

2:55PM - My wall...

So it seems I have run into a metaphorical wall I never wanted to see.

I have a lot on my plate here in columbus, and school is keeping me very busy with clinic, classes, studying, and organizations. I have a trip that takes a year to plan overseas that constantly nags at my mind. I have attendings (clinic doctors) that I am always trying to impress and learn from at the same time, all the while keeping up with more and more papers that will push my head above the water. On top of this, there is a looming surgery in December in which I will be back under the knife to finally get my appendix removed right after my finals.

Funny thing is, this isn't my problem.

I've run aground with my closest friends.
I first noticed the weird tension between me and my beloved cronies when we were together for the 4th of July. There was this uneasy civility seeming to emanate from each person that I felt more than shared. When I tried to stay true to my ideals, I felt like I was stepping on more toes than actually getting along. Sure, some of the cronies didn't seem to mind, but the majority were openly detached from me. It was unnerving.

Then came the Renn Fair. This more over made me feel disappointed in myself, and my own actions than those of my friends. I didn't feel like a third wheel but rather a wheel that didn't even get a second thought about being added on. Only Jesse, Jenny, and Maggie even acknowledged my existence when I saw them at the Fair, which again felt forced and civil.

I'm not completely sure where, why, or what has happened, but I don't want to place the blame where it shouldn't belong. I just want some honesty from my only friends that I've ever cared for. I feel shut off from them. Some won't even return my text messages or facebook messages, and those that do seem short and distant.

I know times have changed and everyone has moved on to their own lives, but is it too much for me to ask for those same day changing smiles and laughs to still be there when I send out a shout? Is it too much to have a little more concern on where and what I'm doing when we plan things together? Has everyone moved beyond the old, dusty I-town cronies to the newer, better, and sleeker models that are friends now?

I just want something tangible again... even if it's just an honest, heartfelt, and sound statement that speaks to me and tells me, "I'm still here for you, man. Life just gets caught up sometimes."

12:01PM - My updates

They've been few and far beteen, but I guess it's because I've been pretty happy on how life has been for me recently.
Emily is amazing, an awesome girlfriend and is by far my best friend.
Kiri has turned out to be a really great dog and she's still impressing me every day.
Our new apartment kicks ass, and we've dubbed it Tuscany due to our extreme fascination with transforming much of its decor to fit the area.
I'm cruising along in school as an Opt.3 now, holding two president positions in different school organizations along with other positions in others, my attendings and boss-like people love me, and Emily now has a job at the school with an awesome rate, benefits and great hours.
In a couple weeks, I get to go to Peru for SVOSH to help some needy people as well as visit Machu Picchu. After the trip, I get a year to plan our next location! I'm gonna shoot for Argentina.


Some kinks do exist, but I'd never have it any other way. You can't have perfect without some flaws.

I kinda was curious who would want to come up and hang at our new apartment sometime soon. we have some good space and with Jenny and Andy living here too, there should be room for all of us. I'm available in the next week or so then I'll be gone for a week then back for more, so let me know if anyone is free to come up and just do some old fashioned hanging out.



That's it for now. Gotta head off to Clinic now and be all doctor-like. tell people they're gonna go blind or something... >.>

10:35PM - LOL greatest idea ever.

www.youtube.com/watch

12:58PM - Your thoughts on an august vesuvius outing...

Discuss. Prolly gonna be a weekend some time. The more people, the merrier it will be.   

1:48PM - My plans

Alrighty guys,

For those interested, Origins is this weekend. Bro, Jessica, Jess, Jeff, James, Jenny, J... the rest of you need to come up some time so we can at least hang. It's 3 bucks plus some parking fees for the con this year so fucking doo eet.

I have class most of the week so my time there is slightly limited. my plan is to spend Friday evening there and the rest of the weekend (saturday and sunday). I may go early on thursday for just a bit to check out the hall, but I'm not sure. This and the july 4th weekend are really the best times I have available before tests bog me down and I'm stuck in the cafe studying the rest of the time.

Besides that, I believe Jenny could be, maybe, possibly, hopefully, working on a plan to get us up to Cedar Point for at least a day???

That's all I got.

11:01PM - My summer break

So for those who don't know... Optometry has me stuck in school all summer long, so I get no satisfaction of enjoying lazy days by the pool without having the threat of a future exam looming on the near horizon...

But work should be fairly light so I'm game for most of everything people plan.

My own plans have already been put into action and happened somewhat already.

Just got back from Disney World with my Emily which was fucking amazing and I hope I can go back very very very soon just because I love being a kid. I've got pics on facebook, check em out.

Origins is next week, 24th through the 28th. Now wait... you say... I thought Origins is only FO DAYS....
WRONG! Origins has gone to FI DAYS!!! And here's the kicker! You can do the exhibit hall for jus 3 DOLLARS A DAY!!!! that, and parking... BUT FUCK THAT!!! I have a feeling my apartment will have drunken shenanegans all over by the end of the week...
AKA, everyone get the fuck up here so we can partake on our sorely missed annual swag hunts, BD's run, Porn N' Chicken, and drunken bashes... And we can add Vanity into that mix from now on!! Come on guys!!!

Besides that, I've got school shit, a trip to Honduras in September, and a bunch of parties with my cronies. Summer can still be fuckin fun.



ps. I've also started a DND group. It's only got three members currently, but It's been a lot of fun so far, and with the new apartment Emily and I will be sharing in August, I'm really looking forward to some long nights throwin dice and having a great time with some new friends.

OH! and I found a group of optometry girlies that love the hookah! I can't wait to join them in an outing.

11:40PM

Got myself a deviant Art account now. Name is Varekai-Patch. Go check out my stuff!  

12:21AM - My flaws

So I really haven't posted on here for a long time in just simple pour my guts out stuff. I realize I really had no need to because everything has been going so well for me.

Emily and I are getting along wonderfully living together and we have already signed up for living together even more in our own apartment with our furry child.

School is great, and is keeping me plenty busy. I've had my own ups and downs in terms of social life, the struggles of officer positions in clubs I maintain, and then there are then many tests and concepts I have to always keep in my head as a future optometrist.



Seems pretty nice, doesn't it?
Too bad there's always the underbelly of the beast.
I feel like even though I live with three other people, only one of them appreciates me. I'm sure people have their reasons, more than likely bordering on the fact that I'm too abrasive, authoritative, hard to get along with, unfeeling, shallow, close minded, I could keep going.

Maybe it's me. Maybe I ask too much of people to hang out more than just the usual passing hi and compulsory, and seemingly awkward, attempts at small talk before disappearing into our respective areas. Of course, I also am the kind of person that builds up scenarios in my head that go a lot more dream like and wonderful that they actually turn out to be.

Kinda childish huh?
I guess I should just shut down and become a drone through life. Stop trying to hang with the friends that I hold so dear to me and become a true frat boy again. Start hanging with the "in" crowd. Go to bars every weekend and act "too cool for school" wherever I go instead of my current personae, because apparently it's not working for me.

I shouldn't make this one sided. There are obvious circumstances I've taken into account, just not talked about, because every once in a while, I actually like to make the topic of conversation about me and a little bit selfish for my own interests.

The funniest part of all this is that this is probably the first time I've really opened up like this on anything so blatantly. My problems with someone or something are usually internalized immediately and filed away to later be dealt with when I find the time in my busy head to worry over it.

I guess I feel like an asshole to hear all the goings on through my girlfriend about my roomates' lives and their plans for moving out.

Again, i guess I'm just not caring enough to either find out myself, or no one cares enough to let me know what's happening so i have to find out through Emily. I'll let everyone else judge me.

There. Guts spilt. I feel accomplished and yet so very lonely. Seems I've always been that way. And I've never been one to embrace change.

10:47AM - Party time?

Hey guys, I know there is a lot of moving going on, and plans to party hard for all of them. I have another event to throw in the mix. June 24th through the 28th, our beloved Origins will be coming back to Columbus. Yes it is now 5 days long. I know that it is hella expensive, but not any more! They have what is called a "fair day pass" which gives you free reign to the only really cool part of the expo... The exibit hall! and for how much?? only 3 dollars.
YES!!! for only 3 dollars, you can walk around and get as much free swag as you guys want! I'm thinking there are some stipulations, but 3 dollars and one of the best geek out areas we've ever seen? WE MUST ATTEND!!!

plus, we can start getting our parties out of the way... Andy's party can be done then and a last party in Jeff, maggie, emily and my place as well! Then there's always Vanity. MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

and I also thought it would be a good time to take a trip to Cedar Point for the day? Anyone? Anyone? Jenny? You know you want to!

8:57AM - So... I have too much time on my hands.

So I made a little video.

9:46PM

OH MY GOD.


I'm so happy.

my fun trip for SVOSH is going to be amazing.

8:56PM - My 2008

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
I went on a cruise, moved into an apartment with a girl (two at that!), inked, got a dog outside my own family.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I actually think I kept my resolutions, which I usually don't even worry about making them. I was nice to some people I usually just kind of belittle all the time, and I kept up with my studies more than playing video games all the time. I also really stepped it up with getting involved and I will keep that up. This year, I think I'll get back into staying nice with people and maybe increase my amount of studying, just to stay ahead of the curve.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
nope

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My dog, Jasmine

5. What countries did you visit?
Ecuador, and Canada... is Alaska a country?? XD

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
I would probably say more time in the day... My girl says she needs it.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Jasmine passing, Emily smiling after finally having a cute little puppy to call her own, my first night in columbus with Emily in our new apartment, milestones...

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Becoming a second year in Optometry.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I don't believe in failure.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Couple really bad cancre sores, and possibly a bad case of traveler's sickness, but that's it.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I would have to say my Panama Hat. I don't wear it often, but I love the thing.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My cronies for continuing to hang out with such an old fart like me and put up with my crappy social ineptitudes, I love you guys. My girlfriend for making that huge step and starting to strike out on her own and graduating.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I was kind of appalled with one of my friends for making a decision I don't agree with fully and merits more thought and time. I am also appalled by one of my latest professors for being such a douche.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, School, Itunes, a doggie.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My ecuador trip, my awesome summer vacations.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Stronger by Kanye West and Daft Punk really sticks out in my mind.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder?
Bout the same actually.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
More just down time. I always say this, and i'm sure I've had enough, but I always wish for more down time to just relax and do whatever the hell I want. It really reflects a lot more this year due to my lack of LJ posts.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
lol studying... It wont happen though.

21. How will you be spending New Years?
Getting ready for my Cronies party then having the party.

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Every time I wake up with her beside me.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Dexter, Nip/Tuck, House, Heroes (even though I'm sorta hating it atm), Top Chef, Survivor

26. What was the best book you read?
Prolly Angels & Demons. It was pretty epic.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Dude, the discoveries this year are a lot... High School Musical, Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog, John Williams Tribute to starwars, acapella mixes, Bowling for Soup.

28. What did you want and got?
I wanted very little. It was full of more than that.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
OOO... very hard... I'm gonna go with Iron Man, followed closely behind Tropic Thunder.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Took a midterm, then had a relaxing evening with my birl... I'm 25

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Maybe not so much responsibility...

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
The usual. Jeans, favorite shirt of my particular mood, concept of the day I expected, and weather patterns.

34. What kept you sane?
My optimism.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
If my movie selections shows anything, Robert Downey Jr. was the best.

37. Who did you miss?
I miss my doggie...

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Don't drink the water in Ecuador

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

The whole damn world is just as obsessed with who's having sex and who's the best dressed,
Who has the money, Who gets the honey, who's kinda cute, and who's just a mess,
and you still don't have the right look, and you still have the wrong friends,
and you still listen to the same shit you did back then,
High School Never Ends.

8:27AM

Rest in peace Jasmine.

12:03AM - My last 16 years

You always hear about those people out there in our vast world that have a less than fortunate holiday season or their christmas day wasn't so filled with all that they ever wanted. You always hope that doesn't happen to you, and feel even more horrible if it does.

I loved these last 16 years a lot more because of my dog Jasmine. The first dog I ever named, the first dog I ever trained, the first dog that would sleep under the covers with me to keep me extra warm and help me fall asleep to her rhythmic dirge of chainsaw/jackhammer snoring. She opened my eyes to so many fun things even as simple as calling her "puppychow" or even "rum-tum puggy". I could slowly inch toward her, and know exactly when she would open her cute puggy mouth and try to catch a nip at me because of her wide eyes would become ever more wider. I could also play tug of war with her by simply walking my fingers toward her, making her growl in selfish rage, knowing full well it was her rag she was chewing on.

These long, fruitful years were my ups and downs in real life and she has been there through it all. I love her, and I'll miss her.

It's devastating to loose a person whom you loved unconditionally. It's even worse when you've spent the most of your adult life with them.

I haven't lost my puggy puppy to the big puppy chow play pen in the sky yet, but over the past few hours, I am certain it will be soon. My mom and I will miss her dearly. She was our Daemon, our Shadow, our closest friend.

9:56AM

Alrighty, so our next time we are all together again is looking like sometime at the middle or end of the month... That being said, I was wondering if anyone was up to trying the christmas caroling again?? I know my parents wanted us to come over to Indian Hills and sing there, so maybe we could try a different spot this time around. If anyone is game, let me know and we'll start pooling songs again. I've got a great idea for a medley that could cut down on how many songs we do, so we could maybe just learn 4 good ones then the medley.

Also, for the New Year's party, we've got a lot of people planning on being there, (jeff, maggie, patch, emily, james, mindy, leanna, walker, andy, steph, jess, jd, jenny, patch-bro, and jess l.) if I missed anyone, let me know... Here's what I was thinking... For food, we could either all plan on bringing something separately (pot luck style), or we could all bring ingredients for things and have a couple people work together to make a sort of Iron Chef dinner combination (with a pre-made menu). Since the place we are partying at has a kitchen area, that would be no problem to fix something up... Let me know what everyone thinks.

That's it! Hope everyone is still in one piece!

10:09AM - The Next Big Movie

4:17PM - Michigan Weekend?

I know this is very last minute notice, but I was wondering if any of you fine people would like to come up for the Michigan game on Saturday. We can drink, be merry, play a couple fun games and maybe even go to BD's?? Let me know! call, text, or post here! I'm totally up for some fun this weekend seeing as how I don't have to study for anything for a couple weeks...

Also, Jeff will be practically done with school, it is a weekend, James' car is fixed, and I don't know what else??

SO LET ME KNOW!!!

8:08AM - H'ok

So here's the scoop for this new years... I don't have any clue about a X-mas party plans, but I do know that I have reserved our apartment's game room for New Years party. This place has it all, a huge flat screen, fully loaded kitchen, pool table, and lots of room. What I was thinking is that since we have the kitchen, we could all plan on making some sort of dish while there. We have enough people and it would be cool to see what we could come up with. It could be themed or just have a bill of fare and pick a course to make, It's up to the comments I get from everyone. So just for everyone to be aware of, New Years will be at Emily's, Maggie's, Jeff's, and Patrick's. There will probably be enough room but if not, Jenny and Andy live close by if there needs to be anyone wanting to crash elsewhere.

Also, As it is, I'm gonna be home sometime either on the tuesday or wednesday before thanksgiving and also that saturday night. I will probably not be there on thursday though. So if we are gonna hang in the park and pick names for secret santa, lets discuss that as well soonish.

11:35PM

woot! I'm typin this entry on my new itouch! I love technology

6:19AM - My new puppy

Here's Emily's new pride and joy. And as you know Emily is bad about making decisions right out, so No Name has ... um.... no name yet. She's a cutiepie though, so enjoy.

of course, if this doesn't work, go look on facebook.